Thursday, January 9, 2014

Lesson Learned: Let My Husband Lead

I wanted to write this post on New Years Eve but I've been so sick and nothing comes out of my head coherently. I read a verse that a friend posted on their facebook page this morning though and realized that I just need to write this now, as it's been on my heart for a while.

 That being said, I'm going to ask my husband now for mercy that I know I'll need in the future. I know you read this, Babe. And I'm about to say things that may want to make you say "But I thought you learned your lesson!" so I'm just going to ask you now, when I start to get a little rebelious, please lovingly put my in my place and don't let me "pull an Abby". Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your forgiveness, your compassion and your hard work. 

2013 was a long, frustrating year. And I'm to blame. At first, I was so ready to point the finger at my awesome pregnancy hormones but in all reality, it was because of my selfishness and stubborness that led us on the path we ended up taking. I have no problem now accepting responsibility for my actions and I think that largely has to do with how gracious, merciful and forgiving my husband has been about all of it. Without giving away a ton of personal information, bottom line is that I pressured him into doing something that I thought was right, regardless of how he felt about it. I was unkind and manipulative and self righteous and stubborn. I was pregnant and afraid and wanted what I thought I wanted. Sometimes though, God gives us what we think we want in order to show us that what we had was indeed what was best for us. And that is exactly what happened. I caused a lot of dissention in our home and it spilled into other relationships. And then, when I got what I thought I wanted and realized it wasn't what I thougth it'd be, I grew even more depressed and frustrated and well, just flat out crazy. I wasn't a good wife, a good mother, a good daughter. I was a pregnant, crazy mess. Not a joy to live with. And all because I didn't let my husband lead.

 I have a problem with submission. Always have. I had a hard time with it when I was a kid and I have a hard time with it as a wife. When some one tells me not to do something, I want to do it. When someone tells me I can't have something, I get consumed with wanting to get it. When my husband tells me what he thinks is best for our family and I disagree, I get pouty and mean and insulting. It's honestly hard to write this. It's true but it's icky. And I'm embarrassed that I've acted like such a spoiled brat.

 God set things up the way He did for a reason. Men lead for a ton of different reasons but one of them is because they tend to use their heads more than their hormones when it comes to family decisions. Women tend to base decisions more on emotions and feelings. Women, I'm telling you this now. Don't take offense to it, just hush and listen. When you're pregnant, try NOT to make big choices. Let your husband do all the thinking. Because you've got way more hormones than your body knows what to do with and chances are, they REALLY shouldn't be used for thinking. Lesson 1: Let your husband lead. Lesson 2: Do not succumb to your preggo hormones. Take a chill pill. Loose the air of entitlement you have just because your pregnant. Your husband doesn't owe you anything just because you're carrying his child. He has his own roll to play and it doesn't include stepping aside to let you run the family. Moving on.

 Ephesisans 5:22-33 talks about how, in a marriage, it is key for the wife to SUBMITT to her husband and for the husband to LOVE his wife. We have to be instructed to do this because it's so much easier for it to get twisted. It's kinda easy for women to love. We like love. And it FEELS good (remember, we make more emotional, feely type choices?). Thanks to society's newest slogan "Happy Wife, Happy Life" men are doing more of the submitting and the rolls are being twisted. It has nothing to do with who's the bread winner or who's career is bigger. I'm talking about who leads the family. The man is meant to lead, while the wife lets him lead, while the husband loves his wife and the wife respects her husband. Woman was never meant to lead her husband. I was not meant to make the major decisions for our family. And when I tried to overstep my husband's authority, it caused a lot of pain and set us back in many ways. We're in an awesome place now though.

The verse I read this morning was Proverbs 21:9, "Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife." This killed me. It would have been better for my poor husband to sleep out in the cold than have to be in our nice warm home with the monster I became. So bad.

 When we try to change things from the way God intended them, discord happens. Wives, your husbands are meant to be the leaders. Chances are, they wont lead without coming to you for advice. We WERE created to be man's helper. But if you don't let your husband lead, it will change the dynamic of your marriage and not for the better. Respect your husband's choices, even if you don't agree with them. Keep your hormones (and the attitudes that spring from them) in check. Don't be the kind of wife that causes problems for your husband. Chances are, he's got enough on his plate with being the leader of your family and doesn't need any more drama. It's a heavy burden to bare. Be thankful that it's on his shoulders and not yours. But support him under his burden. Be the virtuous wife that is more vaulable than rubies. 

Go ahead and thank your husband for being the leader of your family. Give him some credit. AND LET HIM LEAD!

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