Thursday, August 2, 2012
The "Uh-Oh" Moments
As a parent, you know you're in trouble when:
- a kid goes into the bathroom and is quiet for a really long time. Usually, this means you're going to walk in there and find poop in the strangest places and/or the kid will be completely naked, trying to bath them self in the sink.
- you hear... nothing. Whenever my kids are upstairs playing in their rooms and I'm downstairs doing something like cooking dinner, as soon as I realize that I haven't heard them for more than 2 minutes, they're up to something. It could be anything from finding that they've opened their closet and pulled most of the clothes off the hangers and mixed them in with all the dirty clothes or they've some how managed to disassemble the chairs and table that it took you 6 hours to put together in the first place.
- you hear one child screaming and crying and another laughing and yelling. Recently, I was downstairs cleaning and I heard my son wailing. Usually, he's picking on his sisters and they're the ones wailing. Then I heard the baby laughing. This alone freaked me out. What could she be doing that would upset him so badly. I ran upstairs to find him sitting on the toilet, freshly full of floaters, and her arms and hands covered in whatever was in the toilet. She had decided to toss his toy cars in the toilet as he was using it and then they both proceeded to fish the cars out themselves. Really gross. Really really gross.
- you hear the dog licking and chomping when you know you've not given him anything. The baby has a bad habit of giving the dogs food. Including chocolate, which they're so very grateful for. And she's just gotten tall enough to knock stuff, food, onto the floor off the table or counter. Sometimes even things you were planning on cooking for dinner, which she will so lovingly share with her four legged friends before you even realize what's going on.
- you hear one kid making fun of the other. A few nights ago, my husband and I could hear our daughters "conversing" so we tip toed up to the door to listen. We heard the baby very obviously fake crying but then we heard our oldest telling her to stop being a baby, to stop faking it and then she mocked her fake cry. My 4 year old is a bully. I will accept full responsibility for this one, as I was a bully when I was a kid, mostly trying to hide my insecurities. I must still do it with out realizing. It's a really bad trait that I'm going to have to make sure she never gets and in order to do that, I'm going to have to be extra careful what I say and do around the kids. I'm in BIG trouble with this one. Most of the time, I don't realize what I've said until after it comes flying out of my mouth.
- you ask your kids, who're in the next room what they're doing and the response you get is, "Anything!"
- you say something along the lines of, "Do you need a spanking, or what?" and the reply is, "Or what."
- your kid tells you that you need to do more yoga or that your boobs are too big.
- you've said something once in jest and the kid actually believes (and repeats) it. To pay my Dad back for some prank he pulled on me using my kids (lol, yeah, we're like that and I love it) when my parents came to visit near his and my daughter's birthday (they have the same birthday), I told my daughter that OGPOG was older than dirt. Now she says it all the time. She also thinks he wears diapers for some reason. In case you read this, Dad, I don't remember what that one's about, lol... I love you :)
I've got three kids. I'd have my work cut out for me even if I only had one. But I've got three. And they're all close enough in age as to where they'll all be partners in crime together. SO not looking forward to puberty hitting in my house. Gonna be a rough couple of years.
To all you knew parents out there, since it actually seems like quite a few people I know are having first time babies right now, prepare yourself. Get a sense of humor if you don't have one already, develop some kind of stonewall face (because some of the stuff kids do will shock you to the point that your jaw will literally drop open) so they can't see you falter and pray up. You're in for a wild ride.