It's been a long day and an even longer week. And it's not even over yet. In fact, even when the weekend comes, although I'll be able to relax a little more and my hubby will be home, I'll still be working. Part of the "motherhood" package. As I sit here writing this, I can see a pile of dishes that still need to be done. I know that after that, I will have to get my husbands stuff ready for work tomorrow, clean up the living room, gather all the 8 billion crayons scattered on the table and floor, take care of the dogs for the night, put clothes away and shower. None of which I feel like doing. Except the shower part. I'd like to turn that into a bubble bath instead but know that I'll end up sitting in the water till I look like an albino prune and there will be no time for the rest of what needs to be done.
What I really feel like doing is going on a vacation all by myself. In the last 6 years, I've been away from the hubby and kids twice. The first was overnight a few hours away to see a girlfriend that had just moved back to the east coast. I don't think I was gone for even 24 hours. The second time was when my grandfather died and I had to go up to PA for his funeral. Not a vacation. Couldn't even really enjoy getting to be around family since my poor dad was stuck in a hospital, recovering from a pretty bad motorcycle accident just days before.
Vacations with the kids are... well, it's been so long since we've even done one of those that I can't remember. Sometime before the baby was born. But vacations with kids are still work. I want a vacation where I can sleep in, do whatever I want, where ever I want and not have to worry about a darn thing. I'd love to sink my toes in the sand with a good book, a pina colada and tanning oil. That way, I'd actually be able to read a sentence and move on the the next one without ending up re-reading the first one 15 times. Uninterrupted reading is something too many people take for granted. I'd love to be able to sit down at a restaurant and eat hot food without having to cut up some one elses and refill drinks and pick up silverware off the floor before I even got to smell my own. I'd love to go to the bathroom without some one banging on the door, or throwing it wide open so the rest of the house can see what I'm doing. I'd love to go shopping without having to yell, "Don't touch that mannequin! Leave it's arms alone!" or "Please don't squeeze that lotion!" or "Don't eat that gum! Leave it stuck under the counter."
While I desperately need a break, I know how it would really turn out if I went away for a couple days alone. I may spend the first day on the beach. But after an hour, I'd wish I had someone to play in the water with. Yup, I'd enjoy the bubble bath in the hotel room but I'd dry off and get dressed while watching whatever lame local channels were on. Then I'd go shopping and not have any one to consult about an outfit unless I wanted to text pictures to my husband... who would have his hands so full with the kids that he probably wouldn't get back to me in time to convince me to get it... so I'd walk out empty handed. Then I'd go to dinner. I'd eat a nice hot meal, but I'd be bored to tears with no one to talk to. I'd probably talk way too much to the waitress and then have to leave her an even bigger tip just for putting up with me. I'd head back to the hotel room, eventually get in bed and never be able to fall asleep. I hate sleeping alone now. Really. Even though my husband used to work away from home and would fly home on the weekends, sometimes not even being able to come home that often, I've never gotten used to sleeping without him. Ask my sister. When I went home for my grandfather's funeral, I had to share a bed with her. She said that I kept trying to snuggle up to her during the night. Hahaha, I'm glad that's all I did. Back to the point... I hate it and I wouldn't get good sleep. Waking up in the morning, I'd drink that funky coffee in the tiny pot that's in my room (because I'd have been too cheap in the first place to go to a nice hotel) and wish I was cooking breakfast in my own kitchen instead of eating the "complementary breakfast" in the lobby consisting of pop tarts and donuts that have been touched by all kinds of dirty hands already. Then, I probably wouldn't know what to do with myself. I'd be bored and lonely. Missing physical contact and conversations. I'd be thinking about my family non stop, probably even texting or calling often. Any time I'd hear a kid, I'd turn around in a flash thinking it was my own. I'd be jealous of all the couples I'd see, walking around holding hands and kissing. Then I'd realize that home is where I really want to be and I'd get in my car and go back.
I know myself well enough to know that that is exactly how it would happen. I need a break but my heart is here, where my husband and children are. So maybe, instead of doing the dishes and cleaning the crayons, I'll just get my hubby's work stuff ready and head upstairs with a book. Perhaps that is all the vacation time I need right now.
Thanks for listening. I think this post was more along the lines of therapy for me than anything else...