Saturday, February 11, 2012

Dads Disciplining Their Daughters

I'm sure that by now, you've seen the YouTube video of Tommy Jordan responding to the letter his daughter wrote to her parents on facebook. If you haven't, watch the video below. There ARE curse words in the video so if your kids are around, wait till they're gone or kick them out of the room.



I would gladly shake this man's hand. And tell him that he's doing the right thing. Even though he originally meant for this to be a means of punishing his daughter for the horrid, disrespectful things she said about him and her mom and step mom, it's been getting HUGE nationwide media responses. I have even more respect for him now because he's choosing not to speak to the media about this because he doesn't want his daughter to think that she can gain a spotlight for the wrong that she did. What an incredible man he is for showing GOOD character. I know that this poor man is getting a lot of crap about what he did and how he chose to respond and discipline his daughter for her laziness and disrespect but a long time ago, I was that girl and I know that a girl with that kind of father and an attitude like she has, will not go into a nut house for it. Young women raised by good men rarely fall off the deep end for their entire life.

There are many ways to handle rebellious daughters. I can say this because I was one. And like this young woman, I came from a good home with a dad who loved me and took care of me and made me work for certain things because he wanted to teach me character and motivation. Really. My dad made a ton of sacrifices for me and actually, to this day, still does. He worked hard at work and at home to make sure that my mom and my sister and I needed or wanted nothing. He taught us biblical principles and made us work to teach us value. I had chores. In fact, I had chores that made the "facebook daughter's" chores look like cake. I got paid an allowance but still... I can't believe she complained about sweeping the floors, making her bed or putting dishes away. Well, I kinda can because I used to do the same thing. My dad was tough on us. He hated laziness. He hated lying. And he hated excuses. He knew what we were capable of as individuals and pushed us to reach our potential. He did it all out of love though. However, my small minded, ignorant ways and thinking made me feel otherwise. I became resistant and rebellious.

I think that there are different ways to handle different things and although I would pat the 'facebook dad' on the back for how he chose to discipline his own daughter (I love the whole shooting the laptop part), my own dad reacted very differently to something very similar that I did and it has impacted me for the rest of my life. And it makes me love him even more because of it.

Years ago, I had written a note to a guy that I was dating that was soon going to be meeting my parents. In the note, I basically said my dad was a jerk and that if the guy wanted to date me, he was going to have to "put up with" my dad's pushy attitude. I don't remember exactly what the note said but I do remember that it was hurtful and disrespectful to my dad. I never gave it to the guy though. For some reason, I put it in my glove compartment and totally forgot about it. One weekend, my dad lovingly decided to change the oil in my car for me without telling me. While getting my car log out of my glove compartment, he found and read the letter. Here's the part that I'll NEVER forget though. He didn't say anything to me about finding the letter for days. And I clearly remember how he treated me that day after he changed my oil. He had me help him with some outdoor chores and talked to me the entire time like we were good friends. He even told me that he loved me very much. Several times. I'll never forget how gently and lovingly he spoke to me while we worked. I believe that it was a few days later that he and my mom sat me down and told me that they'd found and read the letter and how they'd been praying and seeking council on how to respond to my hurtful behavior. I was punished but that was to be expected. That they, especially my dad, did it all out of love though, in a manner that reflected God and His forgiveness is something that has never left me.

I went through some bizarre emotional times. And my parents were effected the most by it. I was hurtful and shameful and disrespectful over and over. They did the best they could and to this day, I am amazed that no one ever tried punching me in the face. I sure deserved it. All these years later, I'm not perfect. But I'm older and wiser (I'm not tooting my own horn, I'm simply stating a fact). And I owe it all to my parents who stuck by me and disciplined me when I was wrong. Had I not had parents that punished my destructive behavior, I may be dead. I might now be living a life of pain and sorrow and more destruction. Instead, I have a happy, healthy relationship with my parents and a healthy happy relationship with my husband and children.

It is my opinion, and I obviously don't know the "facebook daughter" or her father, but I would be amazed if she grew up to resent her father for disciplining her. She will most likely grow up to one day be a successful, happy, father adoring woman. Seriously, it is rare that a woman will grow up to hate her father if he has disciplined her with love. The women that grow up hating their dads are, most of the time, women who's fathers DIDN'T play a roll in positively shaping their character. This man may have pulled out a gun and shot her laptop but she probably got the message. She's probably mortified that almost the entire country and parts of the rest of the world, know what a brat she was and how unpredictably her father reacted. Hopefully, she's learned her lesson. Sometimes, love is "tough", sweetie!

My advice to the daughter is this: Do not continue to disrespect a father and mother who love you. Pain and heartache will happen if you continue to rebel. I promise.

To my own Daddy, I'd like to say, Thank you for not letting me get away with acting out. Thank you for all those times you made me look through Proverbs and write those verses about laziness. Thank you for not giving up on me. And thank you for loving me through all of it. You were and are a great Daddy!

Thank you, Tommy Jordan, for also being a good dad! Your daughter is lucky, even though she may not realize it now. Keep up the good work!

4 comments:

  1. Good Job Tommy Jordan. thanks Abby for sharing.

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  2. I completely agree with you here. Even though I wasn't the daughter who rebelled in my family, I watched my little sister do it, and she suffers the consequences to this day. Somehow my sister thought she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth, and thought she shouldn't have to abide by any rules because she was smart enough to make her own. She is now 21, doesn't have a permanent residence, has a 3 year old son who is no longer in her custody, and was kicked out of my parents house not long after giving birth. Although I do not agree with any of her decisions, she is still my sister. I hope one day she realizes how dumb she was- but until then, all I can do is try to help her out.

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  3. I couldn't agree more! Loved this post! I look forward to more, newest follower.

    Tina

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  4. Love this post and while I totally agreed with this dad's reaction...I would have felt the same way I'm sure...I only wonder if the consequences were truly fair. Her letter on Facebook was realistically probably only read by maybe 100 teenage friends. Dad's video on YouTube has viewers in the billions. She might react by respecting his authority OR this could totally backfire on him and she very easily could end up resenting him for the rest of her life...or at least until she has a punk teenager of her own. Lol! I guess at this point it's between the two of them. But I did laugh and cheer him on when I watched the video.
    Hugs!
    ~Rosann

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