I've never made new year's resolutions. I just never felt like it. When I was younger, it wasn't even something I thought about. Now that I'm older, the only reason why it comes to mind is thanks to all the "weight loss resolution" commercials. Tempting.... I just think they're kinda silly. People saying, while in a semi coma from all the food and candy and drinks they've been consuming during the holidays, that they will promise themselves and others to stick with something through out the year and beyond. I don't think I've ever met some one who's kept their resolutions. If they have, then they never shared it with me.
This year, I decided that I would continue my "tradition" of making no resolutions. However, I feel the need to make some life changes. When I say life, I mean changes that I would like to last until the day I die. I'm even nervous about sharing them on here because I feel as though if I don't follow through then you all (or the people who know me) will know whether or not I've stuck with it. Perhaps its best this way though. A means of holding myself accountable.
For starters, I want to be healthier from here on out. I don't just mean physically but mentally and spiritually as well. As a means to start though, I will begin by resuming my workouts at the gym. I have already joined a new one and am really looking forward to starting bright and early in the morning. Thank God for gyms with day cares! I know that working out and exercising will not only help me loose the weight that I need to loose in order to maintain physical health but it will help me not be so sluggish. I have such a hard time concentrating lately and I feel like I can't think straight to save my life. This has effected pretty much every area of my life. I have three children that I have to parent day in and day out. It takes a lot of effort. It really does. And not being able to think clearly and be organized affects them negatively. I'm over it. I'm over the frustration and fatigue. Having worked out before, I know what a HUGE difference this makes. I will also be eating differently. This is all in the works still. I don't have it all figured out but it's a goal.
I would also like to strengthen my relationship with God from here on out. I'm tired of talking the talk but not walking the walk. For me to do this is huge. I have to step out of my shell and embrace what He has planned for my life as a wife, a mother, a friend, as an individual. I've become a timid, anxious, slightly nervous person. Completely different from the more confident, easy going person I was 6 years ago or so. I know that I have to let Him change me again in order for me to grow in my walk with Him. This is going to be a long work in progress but starting is the whole point. I can't grow until I make the decision to change though. And I have. This is probably the most important change to me. I know that nothing else in my life will matter unless I am walking closer to God and allowing His will to work in my life. It doesn't matter how hardcore I can work out or how healthy I can eat, how organized or perfect my children are if I am not living my life in a way that is pleasing and honoring to God.
I also plan on going back to school and getting a degree. I never finished college. I don't often look back on my life and regret my past. There's handfuls of things that I look back on and say, "Why did you do that, stupid?" but I don't necessarily regret it. However, I DO regret not finishing my degree. I wish I'd finished though because I could be a better helpmate to my husband. If I had a degree for us to fall back on when things got tough this year, he probably wouldn't be working far from home in order to provide for us. He would be sitting in bed next to me, right where he belongs. All of this incredible pressure wouldn't rest on his shoulders alone. I could be helping him with our family, the way it should be. I couldn't have predicted this when I was younger. I had no idea that this would happen years after I wigged out and dropped out. But because I know what I know now, I will not allow things to continue in this fashion. I will finish my schooling and get a job to help benefit our family better. So that we can all BE a family TOGETHER. No more separation.
I've got a whole bunch of random "bucket list" type things I want to do as well. I'd like to read at least 20 new books a year. This may seem like a daunting task to some and to others it seems measly. 20 NEW books is a big deal to me because I have books that I LOVE that I reread over and over again every year. I'm off to a good start though because, thanks to my dad, I have a bag of like 10 or more books to read that he already read and handed down to me. As weird as it sounds, having hand-me-down books from my dad is one of the coolest things he could give me. I've always felt that my sense of imagination and appreciation for the written word is something that I share with my dad. It means more to me than he knows that he hands books down to me. When I was a teen and felt misunderstood and distant from my dad, I knew that no matter what was going on between us, I could always curl up next to him with a book while he read his own and it was like everything in life was perfect. Anyway... 20 new books a year.
I want to do something different and exciting with my husband every year for our anniversary. I want to be able to experience brand new things with him (not counting having kids etc) and I figured that planning something for our anniversary gives us a whole year to decided and plan it. That way we can make it something really memorable. I don't want our marriage to be boring and mundane. I want it to be exciting, with fun things to look forward to. I want to LIVE with him. Not just live with him.
There's more but for some reason, this post has taken me roughly an hour to write (have I mentioned that I get distracted easily). Keep me accountable! I don't want resolutions, I want life changes. I want these changes to KEEP changing me my ENTIRE life. Stagnant is not an option. I want to live my life. Not spend it laughing at the new years resolutions I made but never kept.
Here's to life and living it to the fullest!