Thursday, January 5, 2012

I Wish Some One Had Told Me...

Is this for real?


   when I was pregnant with my first child, people gave me all kinds of well meaning advice. I got tips on what diapers were best, what formulas not to touch, why breast feeding will keep your kids from being obese (which, I laugh at a little because I didn't successfully breastfeed any of my kids... seriously, I had problems... and none of them are fat). I was given parenting suggestions and to this day, any time I mention something about my kids to some one, I will get some kind of, "Oh, try this."

I was told not to let my kids near the toilet as they got older, to keep them away from dog food as crawling babies (which, that one proved true), not to let them touch sharp objects or give into their whims on what foods they will want to eat. I was warned that they will want to watch their favorite movie over and over (also true) and that they will eat their boogers.

Here are a few things no one prepared me for that happen on a regular basis... Things that perhaps I should have known but wasn't aware would be an issue until they happened:

They will put anything, including baby bottles into the sub woofers if you don't pay attention. Said baby bottle WILL rot if you're unaware of it.

One child may be terrified of the new baby. To the point that he screams if the baby crawls near him or he throws up if, heaven forbid, the baby drools on him.

All children will at sometime pull on the dog's tail. Not such a big deal unless your dog's tail is clipped and then your kid's hands are all up in the dog's business.

Kid's may even eat the dog poop they see in the yard when they are very young, not knowing the difference. Chances are they will spit it out once it's in their mouth but if not, it may be wise to call a poison control center and/or take them to the doctor.

If one of your children is ever so ill that they land a long term stay in the ICU, you WILL freak out any time that child or any of the rest of your children gets a fever.

Jumping on the couch will forever be a favorite childhood pastime. No matter how much they get in trouble for it.

Picky eater is an understatement. You child may LOVE hot dogs and nothing else for a month. So you stock up and have a plethora in the freezer when they decide suddenly that sushi is the only thing they like now.

Kids may end up picking their noses SO MUCH that they bleed.

You child may have a taste for toothpaste. Still not over this one yet.

Children have an uncanny sense of awareness. Many people like to pretend that their children are clueless and naive about their surroundings but they aren't. Most know very well when a parent is upset or when a situation is urgent. Most can tell when a parent is so overwhelmed with love for the child that they're on the verge of tears. They can tell when parents are depressed or frazzled. It is difficult to hide your emotions from your children.

When they can start talking, they will be brutally honest with you. To the point that they tell you that you need to exercise because you're getting fat. Or that your driving isn't as fast, and therefor not as fun, as daddy's is. That your cooking is gross or that your breath stinks. They may even go as far as to tell you that your shoes should NOT be worn with that shirt.

They will throw fits about the strangest things such as having to wear pants and not a pretty dress. Or having water in their cup instead of lemonade. Or not getting as many carrots on their plate as their sibling even though they weren't planning on eating any of them in the first place.

I'm sure that every parent has their stories of things that they weren't prepared for. These were just a very small few of mine. Each day holds something in store for me that I was not prepared for in the least bit. All the well meaning advice and passed on wisdom isn't always enough.

This is why I have a "three piece suit and a master plan" (a line from a song titled Superman).


  1. OMG! LOL! Yup, toothpaste, dog and cat poop, picking noses until they bleed...all that is cracking me up.

    When #5 son went to the hospital for an illness, it was a first for me. My heart beat so hard I couldn't sleep for 2 days until he came home.

    They also throw fits over play-dough, army men, naked Barbie Dolls and laundry soap :)


  2. Abby, this is hilarious and oh so true. Great post! Thanks for the much needed morning giggle. :)

  3. I love this post! Why couldn't they have had this book when I had my oldest? And can we add that no matter how big of an attitude we had when we were younger, at least one of our children will have one that is bigger! I'm already wishing the teens away and he just turned 13 in October!


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