Sunday, January 15, 2012

Funny Parenting Quotes

So I'm really tired, again. It seems like lately, I just get worn out quicker and quicker. It may have something to do with the fact that my children are getting bigger and bigger and therefore so are their messes. And its getting harder for me to keep up with them while I chase them around the house to flip out on them for those large messes they make. Just kidding. Well, not really but we'll pretend I didn't just admit that I literally have to chase my kids sometimes.... Anyway... Being burnt out (I know you know how I feel), I decided to find some funny parenting quotes and share them with you. A laugh is always appreciated.


Before I got married, I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.
-John Wilmot

The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable.
-Lane Olinghouse

If nature had arranged that husbands and wives should have children alternatively, there would never be more than three in a family.
-Lawrence Housman

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.
-Emma Bombeck

You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.
-Franklin Jones

Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort  to teach them good manners.
-Unknown

People who say they sleep like a baby don't have one.
-Leo Burke

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.
-Sam Levenson

If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?
-Milton Berle

Being a mother isn't simply a matter of having children. To think that is as absurd as believing that having a piano makes you a musician.
-Sydney Harris

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where they're going.
Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
-PJ O'Rourke

Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap on a rope.
-Bill Cosby

Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.
-Doug Larson

It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower or vacuum cleaner.
-Ben Bergor

The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.
-Unknown

Mothers are slightly insane.
-JD Salinger

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.
-Calvin Trillin

Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.
-Joyce Armor

Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
-Bill Cosby

Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
In general, my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced on television.
-Emma Bombeck

Be nice to your children for they will choose your rest home.
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller

Children aren't happy without something to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.
-Ogden Nash

A two year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld

( I got these quotes from http://thelaughingstork.com and http://www.parentcoachplan.com )

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