Monday, December 5, 2011

Like Mother, Like Daughter: A Klutz in the Making

I've been wondering what my kids will be like as they get older. I watch them developing their own unique personalities but its funny how similar to their father and I they can be.

For example. My husband does NOT sit still. Or if he IS sitting still, he's doing something with his hands. He used to drive me nuts when we were first going out because if he was on the phone with some one, he could just sit in the chair and talk to them. He couldn't even stay in one room. I've watched him pace and pace and pace in the same line or circle for so long that I wondered if he'd wear a hole in the ground. My son is the same way. I can't get him to sit still to save my life. It's like they both have something inside of them that says holding still is bad. Shoot... I think that even our male boxer, Spike, is the same way. He'll pace WITH my husband. It's crazy.

My daughter, I think, is a little more like myself. I see her do a lot of the same things I did as a kid. Like color constantly. Or make up songs. Or dances. Or, and here's the kicker, she's a total klutz. Today, I watched her attempt a ballerina-like twirl and not only trip, but fall into a large pile of barbies, all of which somehow managed to have their pointy little arms sticking up and she got one caught on her gums and cut herself. Only my daughter. But it's one of the crazy random things that would happen to me as a kid.

When I was in like 7th or 8th grade, we were doing archery in P.E. I'd been shooting bows and arrows (and guns for that matter) for many years at this point. It was nothing new to me. Somehow though, I managed to let an arrow slip off the bow just as I let go of it and one of the feathers cut my finger in spite of the glove I was wearing. Here's the really random part. Part of the feather broke off in my finger, about an inch away from where it entered into my skin and lodged itself in between the tendons near my knuckle. Our general doctor wasn't able to remove it so I had to visit my dad's surgeon. Two stitches and a scar later, I've got a wacky story.

That's not all. I managed to sprain my wrist and hand tripping UP a sidewalk. I was wearing some really ugly platform sneakers (I blame my parents for that one since they paid for them), wasn't looking where I was walking, went to step up on to the sidewalk and tripped. Wore a brace on my wrist for weeks.

I was on the soccer team in high school and was running full speed with the ball and ran into Attila the Hun. Actually, I'm pretty sure we were playing the girls from the German private school that night. Well, I somehow managed to collide with one chick's shoulder with my chest and dislocated some cartilage from my sternum... you know, the cartilage that attaches the ribs to the sternum? Yeah.

We were on vacation in Deep Creek Lake, Maryland as a family and were at the beginning of a dreaded long bike ride through the woods. Really, I wasn't looking forward to this bike ride. It was supposed to be a total of 11 miles and at that age, I think I'd much rather have been a the "beach" checking out the teen age boys on the boats. However, riding we went. At one point, I saw two baby bear cubs on the trail. I was pretty far ahead of my family so I didn't mention it. My dad caught up to me on the trail though and said, "Hey, do you smell that? It smells like the hay in the barn. That's what bears will smell like. There must be one near by." I then told him about seeing the cubs. I'm assuming that when he shouted it back to my mom and sister, that he was just sharing some fun and interesting news. My mom however, being a momma bear in her own way, knew that where there are cubs, there is also a mother bear. She then yells something along the lines of, "Hey! That means the mom is around somewhere. RIDE RIDE RIDE!!!" So we rode. All of us shot down the trail. Somehow, I ended up at the back of the line and thankfully so because if someone had been behind me, I'd have taken them down with me too. The entire family made it down a very VERY small hill successfully. I didn't though. My front tire caught a tiny rivet in the dirt at just the right angle and sent me over the handle bars. I'm not sure what my knee hit but it took a HUGE chunk of meat out of my knee, down to the bone. I think I actually said, upon standing, "Hey, there's a big chunk of meat missing." Because we weren't prepared for such an accident, the only thing we had to hold the blood on the way to the store to get the proper bandages was a maxi pad. I was mortified. But no one else managed to fall off their bike... Dad told me the next day that he and mom were going to attempt the ride again but that I didn't have to if my knee wasn't up to it. Part of the deal was that my sister could stay home too if I chose to stay. Much to her dismay, I went on the ride and to this day, I'm glad I did. It was an experience I'll never forget.

I can't remember if it was that same vacation or not but we also went white water rafting at Deep Creek Lake. Also a blast. There was one point in the trip though where the guides warned us of a large rock with a small waterfall that we had to pass through. They told us that they would be getting out of their own rafts to stand on the rock and toss ropes to who ever fell out. They let us know that this was going to be the most dangerous part of the trip. We were told to stay to the right if possible and avoid the left at all costs. Somehow, we went to the left. We weren't the only ones though so I'm not about to point fingers at any one in my family. My sister, probably because she was the lightest, got tossed out almost immediately and floated down river somewhere. My mom either got thrown out also or jumped out when she saw my sister fly in order to try to help her. I also got bounced out. However, my dad managed to grab my ankle just as I went overboard. I still giggle when I think about this next part though. When I get nervous, really nervous, I laugh uncontrollably. Well, I was pretty nervous right about then. My poor dad had to think I was a stinking lunatic. My head (and probably the rest of my body) kept bobbing in and out of the water. I couldn't breath at all because as soon as I'd surface and have a small chance of sucking in some air, I'd burst into laughter. I just couldn't stop laughing. I remember doing my best not to loose my contacts and my purity ring, laughing the whole time. I look back on this and try to picture it from my dad's side. I feel so bad for him. He was probably trying to keep himself in the raft, not loose our paddles, keep an eye out for my mom and/or sister and hold on to me all at the same time. I was not help to him. I couldn't even try to get myself back in the raft because I was laughing so hard. Oh man. I'm thankful that he's such a great dad because if I'D been in his shoes, I'd have just let me go. I'm kidding. I think...

It didn't end in high school though. In college, my stupid self thought it would be fun to follow the lead of some idiot guys I was friends with and make myself pass out. I can still remember exactly how to do it. I'm just not that dumb any more. I never knew though that when you pass out in certain ways, you can have a seizure. The first time I saw it happen, I didn't realize what was going on. The guys who pulled the prank on me didn't tell me that they were doing it. I was standing at the window of some guy pals (the college I went to didn't allow guys in the girls dorm and girls in the guys dorm so if we talked through the windows) when one of the guys in the background passed out and started convulsing. I about had a heart attack. He woke up seconds later laughing. I got them to tell me how to do it and later that night, I gathered a bunch of girls in my room to do the same thing to them. SOMETIMES, instead of having a full on convulsion, your body can just kinda slam itself up against a surface and that's the extent of it. Well, this is what MY body did when I passed out. I guess I slammed myself up against the door, bruising my back against the hinge and smashing my head on the wall. I flippin cracked my skull without breaking the skin. I had a bump on my head for YEARS where a calcium deposit formed to self repair the crack in my skull. Stupid and klutzy all at the same time.

I'm STILL a klutz. When I was pregnant with my first child, the daughter in question, my husband and I were arguing. I got frustrated and turned to walk away. I didn't realize how close to the wall I was standing and when I turned, I ran face first into the corner of the doorway and knocked myself down. We stopped fighting at that point because we were both laughing so hard.

When I was pregnant with my son, we were at the Coca Cola factory with some visiting friends. I, for whatever reason, thought it'd be fun to wear a short dress and some cute platform wedges. After standing in line for about 45 minutes, we get to the front near a gentleman talking to the crowd on a microphone. As they let the next group, our group, into the museum, I tripped. Right in front of the guy with the microphone. I skinned my hands and was bleeding from both knees. The wonderful man with the microphone forgot to take it away from his mouth before helping me up and asking if I was ok... so roughly at least a hundred people heard him ask the klutzy pregnant woman if she was alright. My poor husband was both concerned and embarrassed when he realized who the guy was talking to, turned around and saw me sprawled out on the ground.

My daughter has fallen off our table and busted her chin wide open... twice. She has fallen off the swings at school backwards and cut her back. I've watched her trip over her own two feet like an uncoordinated puppy countless times. I've even seen her shoot herself in the eye with a water gun. If she's anything like me, there's no hope. She will forever be a klutz, just like her mother. I just pray that her klutziness doesn't rack up our medical bills the way I did for my parents. I also hope that she meets a man who is ok with her "flaw" and is able to find it cute and funny the way my husband does.

Wannabe Supermom. Successful Super Klutz.


  1. This was such a cute story. I think we are all bigger klutz than we care to admit. I've scraped and broken myself plenty!!

    I think it's precious though when we as parents connect our child's behavior, quirks, clumsiness with our own. It's like seeing yourself shine through the. Love this post.

  2. Oh my goodness, you and my husband would have so much to talk about! He's not a klutz though...he just seems to always be in the wrong place at the wrong time and bad things end up happening to him. It's really a miracle he's alive! I always tease him that God has to pay His angels overtime to watch out for him.

    My daughter Faith is a klutz though. She's the child who is too busy talking to notice her face is about to run into a metal pole.


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