Saturday, December 31, 2011
Good Bye 2011, Welcome 2012
Due to the delightful economy and booming job market (I'm being sarcastic), my poor husband has had a heck of a year with his career. He has been through hell and high water to provide for this family and I will forever be grateful to him for what he's had to go through, and is currently going through to take care of us. He has had to and is doing things he doesn't enjoy in parts of the country he doesn't particularly like and is away from home at long periods of time, the shortest so far being about 3 weeks, the longest almost 3 months. This wasn't what we had planned.
My grandfather, my mom's father, passed away earlier this year. I don't think it came as a complete surprise to any one but myself and since we talked often around this time of year, it's been tough to not be able to talk to him. In all seriousness, if he were still alive, I probably wouldn't be typing this up right now, I'd probably be downstairs hanging out with him, getting ready to ring in the new year. Not what I had planned.
I am home alone all day every day with three small children. This was not how I imagined the year going. However, if I had to be home bound with anyone in the world, it would be my three beautiful children. We were blessed with our healthy, gorgeous Adrina in June. Her name means "happiness" and she has lived up to it. She bring a smile to my face and a sense of completion to our family.
Later on in the year though, more unpleasant things happened. Some are extremely personal and it's not my place to yet share those things here. I'll just say that they've been heartbreaking things. One in particular left me feeling as if my best friend had died. Like a piece of my heart was no longer there. It's a wound that is still healing and hopefully the situation will be reconciled very soon. When it is, I know all will be well again there.
In spite of all the frustration and worry that flowed through out the year, I learned a lot about myself and about my relationship with God. I wondered if these things were happening as a result of my lack of trust in Him. Some of the things that took place in 2011 were and are out of my control. However, how I react to them and in turn how my attitude, frame of mind and family are concerned, is in my control. I've learned what I'm capable of enduring. I learned that it is not on my strength that I will get through this life but by the strength that God gives me. It was by no doing of mine that my poor mom and her brother have not despaired at loosing their father. It was not me who provided my husband with the job that pays our bills. It was not my hand that delivered our beautiful daughter. It was not my inner peace that has helped me deal with the "loss" of a person very dear to me. It is not my own two legs that I stand on every morning as I get out of bed to take care of my kids. God has been holding me up the entire time. Only by His grace am I making it through every day. Only by His mercy does my husband have a job in these tough times. Only by His compassion are my mom and uncle coping with their loss. And only by His love is my baby healthy and happy today.
This year, I learned that God has always been there for me, taking care of me even when I turned my back on Him. He has always had my best interest at heart. He has always wanted good things for me. And through re-realizing this, have I been able to see His goodness in all the pain of this year.
My grandfather may have died, but he accepted Christ in his last days.
My husband has a job. We are so completely blessed by this alone.
In an effort to deal with being alone most of the time, God allowed this blog to launch and has given me an excuse to write again, something my heart has been longing for for quite some time now.
My "friend" may still be MIA but that too is in God's hand and through this situation specifically, He has shown me the error of my own ways and has begun to heal my soul again.
God has good things planned for us and chances are, they are not what we have planned for us. I take joy in this knowledge because while my own plans for life tend to be of comfort and fun, God's plans for me are to help me grow as a woman, as an individual, a wife, mother, daughter, friend, sister. He only has plans for me to prosper and not to fail.
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope.
I know that 2012 will be a good year because I know that God will be taking care of me and my family. I know that He will only allow things to happen that will cause us to grow and not wilt. I am looking forward to seeing what He has planned for me and my family.
Happy New Year Every One! May your 2012 be a blessed year!