Alright, the holidays are coming up and I'm terrified. I'm terrified of all the yummy things to eat that I'm going to have to ignore. The smells, the colors, the taste... I LOVE holiday food!
I'm working on loosing the baby weight from my latest baby. With my first child, I gained over 50 pounds. I was "over protective" because I'd lost a baby before that and was nervous about being pregnant again, especially since I have no idea what went wrong the first time. It wasn't THAT hard to loose the baby weight though. I didn't even give it an honest try and lost almost all of it. Almost being the operative word there. With my second child, which I got pregnant with only about 7 or 8 months later, I gained about 30. It took me MUCH longer to loose weight. I'm pretty sure that the only way I lost ANY of it was by smoking. A lot. I quit smoking and about a month later, I was pregnant again. With this last pregnancy, I only gained about 20. Not too bad. However, because I never recovered my original pre baby weight, that's 20 pounds ON TOP OF all my other baggage.
My hunny has been gone for a while on a long project. I've been trying to at least look better than when he left. Which I do. However, I've still got a long way to go. I've been doing yoga with my Denise Austin videos. They work great for building muscles and helping you break a light sweat. I need boot camp though. But squeezing it in while taking care of three young kids, three dogs and everything that goes along with them and the house by myself is killing me.
I have been really trying to figure out what my problem is. I'm only 5' 3". I shouldn't be packing this kind of weight. I mean, I'm not HUGE but I'm sagging in places a 26 year old shouldn't be. I've got some jiggle where it should be firm and lets just face it, having three kids this close ages you... and what happens as you age if you don't take care of things? Gravity some how has a greater effect and pulls a lot harder and faster. I mean, I'm not going to complain about having a larger cup size than I did when I got married but having a couple of deflated balloons strapped to my chest... No bueno.
With a lot of pondering and self examination, I've realized that my biggest problem is self control. I don't have a whole lot of it. Much less than I even realized, actually. Just little things that add up. How much sugar did I just put in my coffee? Did I really just eat a while bunch of cheese balls while making the kids lunches or did I imagine that? You HAVE to taste the cookie dough to make sure your cookies aren't funky. I've been canning and pickling too. I have to make sure my recipes are turning out just right. The kids are having popcorn during "movie time" so I think I will too. Oooo, it's fall. Gotta break out the hot chocolate. Why not add a marshmallow. Its all been adding up with out me even realizing it.
Ever since it dawned on me that self control is my problem, that its why I've got more rolls than a bakery, it's been constantly on my mind. If I can't control myself with food, what else can't I control myself with? It was a startling and embarrassing revelation.
The holidays make me nervous. I'm trying to loose weight. I'm trying to be healthier in my body and in my mind. I'm trying to get back to my pre baby weight because it's a healthier weight, and I know that if I don't tackle this issue now, its only going to get bigger. Pun intended. I'm tired of not fitting into my clothes properly. I'm tired of the kids poking my muffin top. And I'm praying I don't get work out gear for Christmas this year.
As sad as it is, I think that self confidence has a lot to do with how we feel about our appearance. I envy the women who are able to be comfortable with their flaws. I'm not. I'm not ok with how I look and it has turned me into a timid, paranoid, frumpy person. Not at all who I used to be.
I think that at times like these, I understand the importance of "everything in moderation". I am going to be making some yummy desserts and snacks for the holidays. And then of course there's thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. And leftovers. I just have to be conscious of how much I'm eating, what I'm eating and how often I'm exercising.
This is going to be an interesting and sometimes difficult adventure for me. However, this Wannabe Supermom is tired of battling my bulge and is ready to fit back into that spandex superhero suit!