Thursday, November 3, 2011

Looking Behind and Looking Ahead

Around this time of year, I have a tendency to "reflect". I think its because big things, things that have affected the course of my life happen around this time of year. Things happen that evoke powerful emotional responses. Usually, this time period lasts between September until roughly mid February.

2001: I was about to get my driver's license. I was weaning out of my back brace and attempting to figure out guys. None of those things may sound like a big deal to any one reading this, but for me, it was an awkward, frustrating, odd time.

2004: I was finishing my first semester of my second year of college. I was getting dumped, which sucked then but was actually one of the best things that happened to me. But after that, I went through another weird phase of getting my heart broken even more, being introduced to a guy by my grandmother and attempting to change my major in the midst of having no clue as to who I was as an individual.

2005: I did a nose dive off the deep end, dropped out of college, quit one of my jobs with out telling any one and moved out of my parents house. I have to admit that it was a little bit fun. What kid doesn't like living on their own? And my rent was stinking cheap. But it was just the beginning of a sad time in my life where I'd turned my back on my family and was engaging in a lot of wreckless behavior.

2006: A LOT of bizarre things happened this year but it hit a high note at the end of it. Around this time, I got engaged and was traveling to New York and then to Pittsburgh (the city that stole my heart). My then fiance bought me a puppy who would turn out to be the most headstrong crazy female dog I've ever encountered.

2007: More craziness and moving to Charlotte. Then, during my beloved time frame, I got married to the insane man that thought it was a bright idea to make me his bride. About a month later, we discovered we were pregnant. Hubs got a new job and we were quickly on our way back to Pittsburgh.

2008: Towards the end of this year, my husband's grandmother got diagnosed with and survived breast cancer. I finally met my husband's brother who had been living over seas and toward the VERY end of the year, we made another baby.

2009: During the last few months, we had that baby boy, spent some time with him in the ICU during the weeks following his birth and dealt with the emotions that followed.

2010: Last year this time, my own grandmother, who was dealing with the recent loss of her husband, was diagnosed with breast cancer. My poor dad was recovering from a really bad motorcycle accident and, sorry if I'm wrong here, but I'm pretty sure that we were starting to get wind that my grandfather, my mom's dad, was sick. I had just found out that I was pregnant with our third child and experiencing for the first time, all those horrid side effects of pregnancy like morning sickness... only mine came at night and I never threw up. I just felt so sick that all I could do was lay there and not eat... skinniest I've been in a while...

It is now 2011. So far, there has only been one significant upset and as it is incredibly personal, and people I actually know in real life may read this, it stays private until it isn't private. Hopefully though, that's all that happens. Unless something really wonderful wants to happen. I'll take that any time.

As I look ahead, I can't see a thing. I have NO clue what the future holds for my family and I. At this time next year, my oldest daughter will be almost 4 1/2, my son will have just turned 3 and my youngest daughter will be nearly 1 1/2. Prayerfully, I'll be back in school working on the degree that I so foolishly never got. I hope that the kids will be doing their own laundry and cooking breakfast for me. And I'm begging that my husband's job keeps him closer to home so that we can actually be a family together. I also hope that I'll have been able to visit my parents and taken a trip back to Pittsburgh and that the Steelers are undefeated. Hey, a girl can dream, right?

My point is that whether or not something big happens, no matter whether its good or bad, life keeps moving. I have no idea if my daughter will want to be in karate, piano lessons, soccer practice or ballet. I don't know if my son will be jumping off the balcony yet or if he'll have figured out how to drive our cars. And I'm praying that the baby has a beautiful full head of hair but with the girls in this family, there's no telling. Life keeps moving and I need to stop looking behind and focus on what lies ahead. I won't lie, I'm nervous about the future, considering everything that I've been through, especially in the last few years, since most of that was stuff that I had no control over but pressing on toward the goal of a life that glorifies God and is full of enjoying my family is something that I'm looking forward to.

Here's to the future.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sure whatever God throws your way you will look back on years from now like this and it will be something that you can see fits perfectly in His plan. ...and whatever the mystery thing is for 2011 I'll be praying for you! :D


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