Monday, October 17, 2011

Getting To The Point Of It All: The Wife

I've been doing a ton of thinking and pondering and wondering lately. I've been doing some reading and some listening and some praying. I've been doing a whole lot lately. I have had a ton of stuff going on inside my head lately, a ton going on at home recently and some how, I still had writers block. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to blog about and it was driving me nuts. I began to wonder why I even started this blog.

I think I had originally wanted to do it because I love to write and I wanted to write about SOMETHING so I wrote about the only thing I know right now. Motherhood. I obviously don't know that much about it and half the stuff that happens to me or my kids or more frustrating than entertaining. I don't want to write about things that are going to bring people down. I wanted to write about something that others can relate to. Such as the pursuit of becoming a Supermom.

This led me to wonder why I was even trying to be a Supermom. What even is a Supermom? Does she really exist or is she just something that we've all built up in our minds? I look at other women and I think, "That woman has it all together. She looks amazing. Her kids are all clean and cute. They're all smart and super athletes. Every one loves them. Her husband thinks she's the greatest thing since sliced bread. Her home is spotless and there's always something delicious cooking. I want to be her." You know what though? I don't know many women who actually fit this description. Who have it all and are the best at everything. Half the ones that come close are missing something. Sure, her husband may think she's great, but she's so busy with the house and kids that she never pays him any attention. Yeah, her kids are adorable and popular but they take her for granted. Yeah her hair and make up is all done and she has an amazing body but she's torn up inside consumed with either her own vanity or an insecurity so severe that she could be sent to the loony bin if she got any closer to the edge.

I'm not perfect. I wish I was. I wish I was able to keep my house clean enough to have company over at the drop of a hat. I can't cook. Sometimes, I lock myself in the bathroom. My kids have been known to throw fits in public. My dogs attack the cranky neighbors. Most days, I forget to put deodorant on. I am so busy cleaning up messes that I didn't get to from the day before that I have a hard time teaching my children basic things like numbers and the alphabet and such. Half the time, the make up on my face is left over from the night before. And I can tell you, one way to save money on your water bill is to completely forget to shower. Works. I promise.

I keep trying to figure out who I'm competing with though. Is there some one that I feel the need to "beat" and become the best mommy? Are there really women out there who are perfect mothers? Perfect wives? Perfect everythings? What is a successful mom? The meaning of success is the accomplishment of an aim or purpose (Merriam Webster Dictionary). Well, by this definition, it's attaining your end goal. What is my goal?

I want so very badly to be a good mom. I've been trying to look to what I know is Right and Sound for direction. God's word, the Bible, is the only place I've been able to turn that provides hope and wisdom and guidance.

I've been trying to pinpoint where the root of becoming a good mom begins. Obviously, God. From the start of time, His creation of woman has shown what His intention for us was. We were born into a role. That role was wife. We, as women, were created to be man's help mate. His wife. Then, our "job" or instruction from God was to "be fruitful and multiply..." (Genesis 1:28). Have babies! Become parents. Among other things. But then we raise those children to do the same thing. Its our nature. Its what we were created to do.

So, ok. I've got the hunky wonderful husband. I "was fruitful and multiplied" with him. We have three gorgeous babies. Got the fruitful thing down. No problems there. But then what? I've turned to Proverbs 31 for the sketch of the noble wife for further guidance. This woman is the ultimate Supermom. I don't know where she came from but half the time, I want to smack her for being such a stinking go-getter and setting the standard so high. The rest of the time, I want to be her with every fiber of my being. I've read Proverbs 31:10-31 countless times. Seriously, I can't tell you how many times I've read this passage. She's amazing. She works her butt off. She runs the day to day operations of the home. She takes care of the kids. She provides for her servants. She runs her own business. Her husband loves and respects her and HE is respected BECAUSE of her. Every one loves her. Including her kids. But where does she start?

Even after all the times I've read this passage, my mind and heart keep taking me back to verses 10 and 11.
"A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value."

It all starts with her relationship to her husband. Her original purpose. She is a rare, beautiful gem. She has incredible value. Her husband trusts her with everything he has and is. Because of her, he doesn't need ANYTHING that matters. He is complete because of her.

It makes total sense when I stop and think about it. The family starts with him. He is the head of the family, of the household. As God intended. And the wife's duty is to her husband. She is to love him and respect him and submit to him. This doesn't mean be his puppet. If a man is fully leading with the power God gave him, the way God meant for him to lead, then submission is easy. Fulfilling. Enjoyable. If he is being a good leader, it is easy to respect him and follow his lead. But the wife's character, her personality when no one is looking is what brings it all together. What I am when I'm not being scrutinized by the mass public is what counts. How my husband sees me is important. So important that it affects the entire family dynamic. Granted, not every woman is blessed to be married to a man who will see the important things, the wonderful beautiful facets of his wife's being. I am though. I have a great husband who I feel blessed to be united with. I enjoy being his wife and am happy that I get to live this life with him. That I get to make babies and raise them with him. How he sees me as his partner, as his helpmate is crucial. If he doesn't have confidence in me, if he can't trust me with our home and children when he isn't around, then life's gonna get real hard real quick.

On my quest to become a Supermom, I have to start at the beginning. I have to make sure that I 1) attain noble character. That I become a woman of high moral qualities. 2) That I conduct myself in such a manner that my husband believes that I am capable. That he can do what he needs to do in his God designed role and not have to worry about the rest. That I'm here to help him and take care of it. 3) That my husband lacks nothing of value. That his heart and soul are content. That he has everything this life has to offer that really matters. Not material. But some one that meets his needs as a man and a husband. That I am his friend and lover and confidant and team mate. As my husband and I like to joke, his P.I.C. His partner in crime.
I have been born into a role and am determined to fulfill it. It is what God created me to do. Trying my very best to be what He wants me to be is a way to glorify Him. I get to glorify Him by trying to be a good wife to the man I love. Does it get any better than that? I can't be the best mom I can be until I am the best wife to my husband that I can be.

So here, my journey really begins. I've got a ton of work to do. I want to be, in my husband's eyes, a precious, valuable gem that adds quality to his life. If I don't try, the chances of me succeeding are zero. I can't be that woman if I don't give it an honest effort. Now that I know what I need to do, I need to figure out how to do it.

Here's to keeping on in my quest to be a Supermom.


  1. I have realised that it is best to look at one self realistically through one's own eyes...and not always try to fit oneself into moulds created by others...anyone for that matter. Compromises and adjustments are a part of life though but I consider them as will of God coz he knows the bigger picture!

    We are special in our own ways. God loves us unconditionally and when we do our 'karma' unconditionally, it is only then that we are able to find peace and happiness. God Bless :)

  2. I love this! Something to remember and keep in mind all the time.

  3. Abbs, this was beautiful! Thank you for sharing! I'm right with you: wife first, mother second. Showing my kids what a healthy, loving relationship looks like is truly one of the best things I could ever try and do for them.


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