Monday, September 26, 2011

My 3 Ring Circus

I was skyping with my parents yesterday afternoon and while trying to hold a conversation with them, my children were all screaming and fighting and crying and everything else under the sun. My parents, seeing my frustration, graciously offered to let me go. Upon saying goodbye, one of them asked, "Ready to run away and join the circus?" I laughed saying that I already was a part of it!

For whatever reason, this was constantly on my mind today. Today, I really did feel like my house had turned into a circus act. I had what seemed like a manageable to do list this morning. I didn't get to a single chore on my list. The most random things happened and I just didn't get anything accomplished.

If my life really was a circus, here's how the act would go:

"WELCOME TO LIFE UNDER THE BIG TOP! YOU WANT WEIRD? WE'VE GOT IT! YOU WANT TO SEE THINGS YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BEFORE, LOOK HERE! YOU WANT TO ESCAPE YOUR BORING LIFE AND SEE A LITTLE CRAZINESS? YOU'VE COME TO THE RIGHT PLACE!"

Over here in this ring, we've got the Wannabe Supermom. More often than not, she is our main clown. She juggles bottles, dirty diapers, sippy cups and snot rags. Her make up is usually smeared all over her face and her hair stands straight up from her trying to pull it out. She will jump through hoops just to get a hot meal on the table and she wears a goofy grin on her face to hide the maniac inside. She frequently forgets to brush her teeth or put deodorant on. She's a bit of a scary clown... just don't look too closely or stare and you might laugh a little.

In the next ring, we've got the time traveling husband. He amazingly travels while working his butt off. He is some how able to return home and the kids act like he's never been gone. He works far and away and steps back into the role of "daddy" by cooking and cleaning and playing and loving like he never had to leave. Totally unusual to find a man that can balance it all and still look outrageously hot. He's the "main attraction". And we adore him.

Over on this side of the tent, we have the "amazing" jumping dogs. We've got two boxers and a bulldog and all three think they're jumping beans. Get them going enough and they're up in the air, wiggling their butts from side to side and moving so quickly that you can't catch them. One doesn't like other women and will proudly let them know. She's a fabulous soccer player and a remarkable football player. The bulldog miraculously sheds pounds of fur off every day and it somehow all grows back... just to shed all over the house the next day. And the male... well, lets just say that he has the remarkable ability to know when a female dog in the neighborhood is in heat. He can climb out of a steal "cage"  6 feet long and 10 feet tall. He can chew through a garage door and eat off a plate that's on the counter with out knocking anything else on the floor.

Outside the big top, we've got smaller tents for our smaller acts.

In tent number one, we've got Mommy's Little Monster. He is faster than lightning, likes to leap from high places and has no sense of fear. He can stick his toy cars in the smallest places like sub woofers and exhaust pipes. He can poop almost on command. Give him Gatorade when he demands it and you'll be out of money in no time. His scream, which he does just for kicks, is so high pitched it will shatter your windows... and if not, you'll at least get a lovely headache from it. Beware. His adorable looks lure you in. But he will throw a punch strong enough to knock you on the ground. He is our little speedy monkey.

In tent number two, we house Princess Klutz. She has an uncanny knack for hurting herself. Put her in a padded room and she will still manage to trip, stub her toe and skin her forehead. Do not hand her crayons! She uses them to destroy your sanity. Her special talent is asking the same question about 30 times in a row. You will never see her with out her entourage of "baby puppies". She is the stuffed dog whisperer. She is our beautiful future heart breaker.

Finally, in tent number three, we have the itty bitty baby. She consumes outrageous amounts of formula. She turns bright red when she cries. This adorable baby almost never poops in her diaper. She poops WHILE you're changing it. Don't let her fool you. She doesn't sleep a whole lot during the day. However, she doesn't sleep a whole lot at night either. Cute.

My circus is crazy. Its a show for sure. Pull up a seat and I promise, you wont be disappointed. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll gasp and you'll be amused. It is my life though. As totally insane and outrageous as it gets, I wouldn't trade it for the world. Well, maybe the screaming and the tripping and the pooping. But the rest of it can stay. As loopy and unusual as we "look" there's more love here than you bargained for.

2 comments:

  1. Cracked me up.....glad you are my family.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Written as only a Mom could write! Love you words and humor! Families ROCK!

    ReplyDelete

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