Monday, September 19, 2011

Every Mom Needs A Little Romance

Ok, first I have to say this. I googled "pictures of love" to get some clip art for this blog. May I just say that I find it very odd that there were a ton of pictures of Bret Michaels? Is that weird or what? Never in my wildest dreams do I think of Bret Michaels when I think of love.

I have been thinking a lot lately about how I am supposed to raise my daughters in such a way that they will understand what true love really is. I have seen parents raise their kids in just about every concerning this matter and no matter how a child or girl is raised, they will choose their own ideas of what love is.

Thinking about this made me reflect on a conversation that I recently had with my husband. I "expressed" to him that I needed more romance. That it was something that women needed and being a woman, I needed more of it. My poor husband (and don't take offense to this if you're reading it, babe!) doesn't have a "romantic" bone in his body. Or not what our society poses as romantic.

I saw one of those online dating commercials today. The one where the chick and her friends are looking at men's profiles online and she says something about needing "serious romance". The next scene is of her and an attractive man in the bedroom with candles and roses and all kinds of funny accidents happen and then she says something about just going to the movies instead. It made me realize that even in commercials, society is saying that romance and sex are one and the same.

For as long as I can remember, fairy tales have portrayed a dashing prince on a white horse whisking a maiden away to his castle. As little girls, we think that this is what its supposed to be like. We look for men with good looks, money, a nice ride... Not always, but its whats been implanted in our minds. All of this brought me back to me telling my husband to be more romantic.

What is romance? I looked it up online and this is what I found.


Noun1.romance - a relationship between two lovers
Synonyms: love affair
2.romance - an exciting and mysterious quality (as of a heroic time or adventure)
Synonyms: romanticism
3.Romance - the group of languages derived from Latin
4.romance - a story dealing with love
Synonyms: love story
5.romance - a novel dealing with idealized events remote from everyday life
Verb1.romance - make amorous advances towards; "John is courting Mary"
Synonyms: court, solicit, woo
2.romance - have a love affair with
3.romance - talk or behave amorously, without serious intentions; "The guys always try to chat up the new secretaries"; "My husband never flirts with other women"
4.romance - tell romantic or exaggerated lies; "This author romanced his trip to an exotic country"
Adj.1.Romance - relating to languages derived from Latin; "Romance languages"
Synonyms: Latin



No where does it say that romance is candles and roses and chocolate and cuddling. It first says "a relationship between two lovers". I think that I have a flawed image of what romance really is and this has led me to 1) make my husband feel like he isn't meeting my needs and 2) put unneeded pressure on our relationship.

Considering this made me look back on my relationship with my husband and think about all the things we do together. He has made 3 beautiful children with me. That's romantic. One time, when we were living in New York, he had to go to Maryland for work. He came back with a single rose and a plant for me. I love flowers and I love plants. He bought a puppy for me. We went on a walk and got attacked by lady bugs. When he gets gas, he picks up my favorite Arizona Teas for me. That's romantic. He is thinking about me and doing things for me because he loves me. We went sky diving together for our anniversary last year. Most women wouldn't look at that as romantic and at the time, I didn't really either. Looking back on it though, it is something unique that neither of us had ever done before that we got to do together. THAT is romance.We had a huge fight one time and as an expression of his apology, he bought me a book that I'd really been wanting to read. I'm a nerd. But it was romantic. It snowed on Christmas night this past year. He took me outside and ran around in it with me. He went with me when I got my second tattoo. He takes care of me when I'm sick. He tried to massage my feet when I was pregnant (I say try because I don't really like foot massages but he didn't know that).He bought me a Steelers jersey for our first Christmas together. I, having never really watched a football game before, thought it was a strange gift. It was his way of letting me know that he wanted me to be a part of something he enjoyed. That's romance. He and I used to sit outside Starbucks for hours, he working and me reading. He likes to set up a lawn chair for me so I can watch him wash the cars. He just wants me with him because he enjoys my company so much. That's romantic.

I think that in order for my children, my daughters specifically, to understand what real love and real romance is, my husband and I are just going to have to live it out. My parents do. They're not "conventionally romantic". They take motorcycle rides together (which, in all honesty, is really cute to me) and go on bicycle rides and go to gun shows together. They enjoy each other's company and love each other enough to want to live life together. That's romantic.

I don't need candles and roses and jazz music playing while he hand feeds me grapes and whispers sweet words in my ear. I just need him. He is romantic with me every day. I just needed to step back and open my heart. I have a man that loves me and would give his life for me and our children. I have a man that wants me by his side. I have a man that wants to spend the rest of his life with me while loving our growing family. THAT'S ROMANTIC!


Bret Michaels? I'm still trying to figure that one out...

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