Friday, September 2, 2011

Don't Let Them See You Cry


my Bible, my devotionals, my journal, my daily planner
and tissues.
my morning routine.
 I am an extremely emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve. You never have to wonder what I'm thinking or feeling because it'll either show on my face or I'll just say it outright. Sometimes, its a good quality to have. Like when I am needing to communicate with my husband. He doesn't have to wonder what I'm trying to get at or whats bothering me or if I'm in a good or bad mood. However, it doesn't always benefit myself or others around me. In particular, I can't keep my mouth shut when it comes to the sillier things my younger sister does. For whatever reason, I have word vomit and I get so passionate about what I'm trying to convey to her that I end up going beyond "tough love" and alienating her. Some times I think I'm justified with the things I say to her but not always.

Being such an emotional person, my kids often see sides of me that I wish they didn't. Lately I've been incredibly stressed and unsure of the future. Some things happened to our family recently that have changed our way of thinking and our way of living. Its been a constant roller coaster of highs and lows the past 5 weeks or so. The whole situation hasn't been fun. Adding 3 children age three and under to the mix hasn't helped bring down the stress level at all. I've been a little bit cranky and I throw pity parties where all the attendants cry and cry (I'm always the only one there though). I have not liked the person that I've become since this started. I don't mean for my kids to see me break down and cry or flip out or sink into my little black hole from time to time. I'm supposed to be a pillar of strength for them. I know I'm allowed to cry and be a little bummed but it doesn't mean that I need to do it in front of my kids. I feel bad when the tears just start flowing and my daughter comes up to me and asks, "You're sad, Mommy?" Or my son stands there confused, not knowing whether to cry himself or to give me a hug. I don't mean to affect them with my emotions but it happens. I need to change my emotions or my way of thinking. Or maybe just learn to control my emotions. That's going to be much easier said than done.

Since all this has happened though, I've realized a lot of issues that I've been having that I haven't been addressing or even acknowledging. And its all brought me closer to God again. I had bought some books months ago that I hadn't been able to read yet, some women's devotionals. I recently started reading them, using them or rereading the ones I had already started. I wanted to recommend them as they have helped me greatly. They have helped draw me closer to God and therefor changing my attitude. I'm not saying that I don't slip up and let the flood gates open from time to time or that I treat my husband with compassion every moment of every day, but I'm trying.

Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be by Donna Partow. This book is introducing me to the elusive Proverbs 31 woman. The only part about this that overwhelms me is that I'm afraid of never becoming anything like her. She's perfect! She is THE supermom. I want to be her so badly. Trying... constantly trying...

My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers. Oswald Chambers provides wisdom based upon one verse or passage every day of the year. His insight puts things in a perspective that is both applicable and profound. Reading this book has helped stir up the passion with in my soul again.

The Power of a Positive Mom by Karol Ladd. Karol Ladd. I want to meet her. In this book, she is both funny and insightful. She gives great advice, tips and encouragement.

I highly recommend these books. They have seriously helped me rekindle my relationship with God as well as guide me in things like motherhood, parenting, being a wife and humanity in general.

Now, I'm off to relax on this gorgeous Friday afternoon with a different book, Northanger Abbey by Jane Austen, and a cup of honey vanilla chamomile tea. MMM... Just thinking about it is helping me relax already.

1 comment:

  1. I'm sorry things have become trying for you. It can be extra hard during overwhelming times. Thanks for recommending the uplifting books. I'm always striving to keep on keeping on during the tough times.

    ReplyDelete

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