Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Sometimes you just need to eat a brownie and realize its not your life...

Sometimes, a brownie is just what I need. I gave up cigarettes and drinking anything, no matter how much, is a bad idea when you're stressed. So, the best thing is some warm chocolate.

Today, some one that I care about did something very stupid. Well, they did something stupid a while ago and are just now being honest about it. The thing that kills me is that this stupid thing has hurt me but is going to hurt this individual much more than they realize. Whats worse is that I did the same exact thing and have told this person, "RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!" But they wont listen. It kills me. I'm pretty sure too, that not learning from others mistakes is total foolishness. But I have no room to judge as I have a hard time learning from my own mistakes. I know the reprecutions of this particular stupid act though and want to slap the crap out of this person to wake them up.

I've spent most of the afternoon thinking about this. I was raised by amazing parents. They had morals, were wise (and are wiser now than they were back then), were smart, loving, generous, selfless, sacrificing and led me in the ways of the Lord. I keep saying "were" but really, they still are.They raised me based on the Bible and even if you don't see the Bible for what it truely is, you have to admit that the principles taught in it are pretty sound. Confucious has nothing on God. I wondered why, with the wonderful parents that I had, did I make the stupid mistakes that I did. I know for a fact that this person who I was refering to earlier was also raised by good, honest, loving people. Why is it then, that kids sometimes go in the complete opposite dirrection that how they were brought up? What did all those parents do wrong that their kids screwed up so badly?

Then it came to me. The parents did the best job they could. The mistakes made were not theirs but those of the kids. I screwed up. Not my parents. I made my own decisions. Not them. I decided to go against what I knew to be right and just. Not the good loving people that raised me. Dad and Mom, please be reassured (if you ever even wondered) that you did a great job raising me and that the mistakes I made were my own and had nothing to do with you.

This realization terrifies me. It scares me because I know that no matter how I raise my kids, how much love and effort and prayer that I put into them, they still posess free will and will control their own actions. I'm not as strong as my parents are. I couldn't handle kids like me. All I can do is my very best to make sure they're equipt with the knowledge and morals and wisdom needed to make the right choices. And pray. Pray constantly. I think praying for your children is one of the best things a parent can do. Any grown up in their right mind knows that the world really is a scary place. Sending my kids out into it with out protection is criminal. God is their best deffense.

As much as I am hurting for this friend of mine who recently really really screwed up (and is defending their actions which makes the situation even more frieghtening), as much as I can plead with them not to continue doing what they're doing, I can't do anything about it. I feel helpless but its not my life to live. All I can do is pray that this person will realize the error of their actions before things get too much worse. My friend is headed down a very very dark, lonely road and it breaks my heart to think of the things that are in store.

Parenting is hard. Its even harder when you realize that one day, your kids will be on their own, making their own decisions. I have to take what I learned from my parents and take what I've learned while on my own road and teach my children with love and wisdom.

This Wannabe Supermom is a little nervous about the future but is suiting up to battle all that comes at me and my family.

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